Your tits are I can't wait for
I just found puke in my bra..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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