get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
