So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
