i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
