you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
