she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
