i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
