she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i drank out of a bidet.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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