i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
