You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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