im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
