you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
