Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
