I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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