I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
