got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
