Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
