I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im part way to drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
