I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
