im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
