I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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