looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
