im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize