my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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