Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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