So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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