I could make wine with my vomit
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
