According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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