I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
