Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
