This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
