Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
