Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
