don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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