i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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