Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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