Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and she was petting her beer can
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found puke in my bra..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
