She is in my trunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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