I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
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He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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