what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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