I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
