hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
