My friends, they love my intelligence
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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