Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
