you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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