It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
