Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
