Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize