when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
