I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
