yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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