my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
