I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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