he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
