It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
