Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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