hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
