You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
