ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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