I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
