yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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