I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
