Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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