Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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