come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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