I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
